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my nan is the best thing in my life, its four years ago she dies, she died on may the 9th 2001 and im missing her majourly deeply, i cant cope still with the fact she is gone cos shes my nan,
Now heres the point where I contradict myself, My Nan passed away some 4 years ago from a heart attack and (ofcourse) I've cried and kept thinking that It's really not happened and I'll see here again I didn't attend her funeral...I was scared, I suppose already having that horrible experience of being in a room with a dead person really got to me
And right now I'm sick with a horrible guilt like I'm a bad person because I just stayed at school on the day when my parents where at her funeral all those miles away in st austell I was just...home...pretending that death is y'know...not really there, but damn, it fucking is, and it's going to strike a-fucking-gain on another member of my family...so maybe funerals are worth it? To just attend so you don't feel guilty for not attending afterwards? Even though it's like your trying to prove to other people that you care.
I feel utterly useless...being so far away...I just generally feel sad for everyone over there.
...
Everyone has different ways of paying their respects...but funerals are not saying a last goodbye in my opinion, talking to the person before they die is a last goodbye....
im still thinking today why i was such a bad flippin kid it was my bro who was the best but me i was a little kid from hell and still is it my fault she died is it a way that im being punished for bad behaviour?
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
